A Confession: What I Fear

There are times that I look at my wife and realize how little I know her even though I know her so well. I hope you understand that, or, perhaps I hope you don’t understand… The realization of how little I know about her forces me to face one of my greatest fears, never getting beyond that feeling of not knowing. I want to know my wife and I want to understand her and I want to be known and understood as well. My fear is that I’m not progressing enough or fast enough to know and be known.

I know that there are still things I choose not to share with her because I’m afraid. I know that there are things that she doesn’t share with me because she is afraid. I’d like to get rid of all of the fear because it is true that fear shows an absence of trust, safety, faith and integrity. The things that I’m afraid of sharing with my wife aren’t sinful or shameful or anything like that, they’re just intimate and I fear her reaction. That says something about me. I need to show more integrity at those moments and show the real me. The thing is, I want her to be truly safe to share things with me but, like we all do, I’ve made mistakes in the past, just as she has, and so here we are… deeply in love but not feeling 100% safe with one another.

So my fear of rejection is trumping my great desire to know and be known… When all of that is boiled down I’m afraid that in the end I won’t have enough integrity to know my wife and be known by her. I have to decide what I’m going to do about that.

So, do you have any confessions to make? What are some of your fears about your marriage?

Posted

August 21, 2013

Limits to Growth

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Tags:

being known, fear, knowing

Comments

4 responses to “A Confession: What I Fear”

Hiswifeagain

August 21, 2013

I could have written this post myself. I have been working a lot lately on knowing my Savior better and trusting Him with everything in my life. I sense (not sure if it’s quite to level of know) that as I grow closer to Him I will feel safer in opening up to my husband too. I very much want a marriage where there is no fear of intimacy of any kind.

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AnonymousHusband

August 22, 2013

This thing I struggle with the most. Even though I don’t necessarily have things to hide per say, there are a great deal of secrets and things about me I have never told my spouse in our years of marriage. Some of them of a personal or intimate nature, and some simply because it never came up. I do worry what she thinks of me probably more than I should. I don’t know why, we’ve been married 12 years and have 3 children. This could be what is holding us back going from good to great. Thanks for sharing.

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Chris

September 24, 2013

This post has been on my mind since you published it last month–especially this: “So my fear of rejection is trumping my great desire to know and be known… When all of that is boiled down I’m afraid that in the end I won’t have enough integrity to know my wife and be known by her. I have to decide what I’m going to do about that.”

Your post came to mind again yesterday when I shared something with my husband. What I shared with him wasn’t anything weird, but it did reveal something about my inner self that was trembling the whole time I shared it with him. I realized that the walls I kept around my heart for so long are really coming down, and I feel very vulnerable. His response was loving, thoughtful, kind, and accepting. I’m not yet at a point of feeling 100% safe with him, but I’m getting closer–and it terrifies me. The sharing of authentic self takes far more courage than I thought it would.

And I wonder…what have you decided you’re going to do about being known?

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Kentucky Colonel

September 24, 2013

Thanks for sharing Chris.

I showed some integrity and shared somethings with my wife this past weekend, including this post. It is my hope that what I shared will lead to growth in our marriage.

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A Confession: What I Fear

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4 responses to “A Confession: What I Fear”

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